Yesterday was a more melancholy day at camp for me. It was somewhat unexpected given the joy I have felt since embarking on my journey.
The weather was cold with a strong gusty wind blowing all day. Dank clouds rolled through the glade relentlessly and by late afternoon they opened up with a steady downpour that lasted most of the night. I wondered if the weather caused my mood or the mood my weather?
I spent most of the day in my tent, my home, trying to keep warm and reading. I think that sometimes I enjoy the melancholy feeling. After all in this universe of polarity it’s hard, perhaps even not meant to be, that we only feel one emotion.
This is natural I guess given that we live in a duality. We only know light because of the dark. We better appreciate love because of fear. So it is that joy becomes more intense, more appreciated because of melancholy. It’s about the flow of things I suppose. Given that we are electrical beings – a current or energy itself only flows when there is a disparity of charge between –ve & +ve polarity. So it is with emotions and the endocrine system in general. It requires flow to function properly.
I awoke this morning not really understanding this. It was damp and cold and the foggy haze of melancholia still clung to me as I rose. I stepped from my tent and washed my face, cleared the last of the fog from my mind and looked upon the day. The air was crisp and almost still. The escarpment directly in front of my tent was soaking up the first rays of the new day. Even though it would still be a good hour or so before those rays reached me I was awestruck by the beauty of it. My feelings were mirrored by the birds as soon myriads of them began singing and dancing upon the ground in front of my tent as joyfully they welcomed the brand new day. As I stood watching this with my hands on my heart the joy once again rose in me, like a snake climbing my spine, tingles filled me and I was forced to smile.
It was then that the knowing struck me. There will always be bad days, days when things don’t go as well as you may have hoped or expected. But as the dark helps us see the light, the bad days help us feel the joy. Everything is light, everything. So even in the dark of melancholia, we are really still in the light. And the light will always shine, bad days will always end, joy will always return.
As I have said many times, life is a sine wave. The challenge is acceptance and surrender, no matter which side of the slope you are on. All is light, all is love.
May it shine in you as it does in me, for we are one.
I am honoured that you have taken the time to read my words. Thank you.
Yours most humbly,
I recently read some of Walter Russell’s writings. In particular his book; The Secret of Light. Note that the following is my own interpretation of this aspect of his book and is not meant as direct transcription. So if I understand him correctly, one of the many things that Walter Russell proposes in this book is:
All the universe (everything from sub atomic quanta to vast nebulae) is seeking balance between these two energy sources – radiant/gravatic, explosion/implosion, positive/negative.
The growth of a tree from the womb of Mother Gaia is an expression of radiant energy as the tree spirals outwards on a Fibonacci wave, seeking the perfection of Phi – seeking BALANCE, seeking to transmute its radiant energy drawn towards the gravatic energy of the Sun. Searching for the stillness of eternity but never quite finding it. Every bit of radiant growth of branch and leaf must be balanced by opposing gravatic growth of its root system. Its health, its longevity rests in finding the balance between the two. In the core of every tree is its fulcrum, the pivot point that helps it create balance between creativity and stillness; its connection to the Earth and its connection to the Sun.
It is no different for me I have discovered. Creativity, radiant energy, is not a permanent resource as it constantly seeks to transmute itself into gravatic energy. I sense that this is why we must sleep at night. The avatar that is our body can only utilise radiant energy for so long before it must find a way to transmute itself into gravatic energy and so it seeks stillness in sleep. But neither is stillness a permanent resource and so once more I awake to use my radiant energy of creativity.
What Walter Russell has taught me from this small snippet of his wisdom is that the secret to harmony, longevity and ultimately optimal life is no different to that of the tree. Seek out and find your own fulcrum, the balance between creativity and stillness, for there resides the meaning of life.
May the radiant energy of Mother Earth and the gravatic power of Father Sun guide you towards the discovery of your very own fulcrum.
Once more I feel blessed to have connected with you through this post.
With love from my fulcrum to yours,
As always I ask the question – science fiction or science fact? You be the judge…..
Nowadays people call it things like synchronicity, providence, divine intervention or the law of attraction. I like to think of it in the same terms as Keely – Sympathetic Vibration.
Some time ago I wrote a series of posts entitled “The Story of Matter” (the series starts here) in an attempt to somehow explain the unity of everything in at least a semi-scientific way. In one of those posts I provided the analogy of the Plank Spherical Unit (PSU), the smallest thing measurable to man. In that post I postulate that the whole universe is completely filled with these PSU’s. So much so that you could say that we are everyday walking around in a PSU soup. In fact we are all actually ingredients in this soup only most of us don’t know it as it exists at a quanta below our level of sensory perception.
So as a result of reconsidering this soup analogy last night I had this vision. My vision was that all humanity was floating in a thick brown sludge, like muddy quicksand. If you thrashed against the mud you sank quickly. If you remained still you stayed afloat for longer, years, decades even.
In my vision however, the knowing told me that I should thrash in a rhythmic way, in a way that caused synchronous ripples in the muddy sludge just like a stone dropped into a lake. It then told me that if I directed those synchronous ripples towards another person within this muddy sea of humanity those ripples would have the effect of raising that person up slightly out of the mud.
In my vision I saw the sea of humanity finally understand this as each and every one of us sought to direct ripples of support to our neighbours as they also did for me. Suddenly the process became effortless and I found myself more buoyant. Every time I felt I was about to sink again more ripples would strike and support me. I eagerly sent out ripple to support others. Before long we began to rise up out of the mud, no longer at risk of drowning in it. We were actually, through working together, our unity, our sympathetic vibrations of ripples in the mud raising up humanity to another plane of existence. Above the mud, in a less dense environment where freedom of movement became easy and fear of drowning became a thing of the past.
I feel that at a human level, as we float around in our PSU soup, that this is what those brilliant men discovered when they discovered the universal law of sympathetic vibration. That vibration, the one that causes synchronous ripples in our universe, I have discovered, as many others have as well, is achieved via the emotions of love and gratitude. These two things tune in best to the natural rhythmic vibration of all that there is. For love and gratitude are the fuel for the Rhythmic Balanced Interchange of life force that flows through the universe.
The acceptance of love back in return converts that love into gratitude and thereby sets up the condition to produce/respond once again with the emotion of love.
The giving and receiving of love, re-energized by gratitude is the Rhythmic Balanced Interchange the universe is constantly trying to achieve.
So it’s my turn to send some ripples of buoyancy your way. Please accept my loving gratitude, it is yours, always and forever. May it help you rise above the mud.
And so another chapter of my life ends. With the completion of this not so journally journal. The pages lasted from 31st July 2015 to early September 2016. A full 401 days of random thoughts, momentous realisations, garbage, silence, doodles, quotes, sketches, poetry, creative writing, pleas for help, deep deep empathic love and a bunch of other shit.
It almost seems profound that the only pen I could find tonight was this red one. Red, the colour of blood, the colour of the heart, the colour of the root chakra. The colour of many sunsets I’ve watched while writing in this book. Those sunsets are always tinged with clouds and made more beautiful as a result.
I sit here at the Capricorn Caves campground just north of Rockhampton on a perfectly still night. The crescent moon has just set in glorious radiance leaving me here , alone with nothing but these last two pages in my book and a blood red pen.
It is so still tonight. It’s as if the trees surrounding the glade have spread their protective branches to enclose me in their loving embrace. Only the crickets, frogs and owls can be heard. All else is silence. It’s exhilarating!
Now, where was I? Sorry, I got lost in the moment. It is now day 402 of my nomad wanderings. Once again I am in the company of the crescent moon. I sit on the beach at 1770, a little seaside hamlet north of Bundaberg. A swirling sea breeze is blowing providing a dance on the calm sea as it shimmers in the moonlight. Occasionally thick clouds float by and cast the sea into darkness leaving sound my only clues to the secrets it is trying to tell me.
There is only one answer that can satisfy the whispers of the breeze as it swirls around my face.
“We are one, you and I” the breeze assures me as it whispers in my ear.
“Although you may perceive me as only air, you would be mistaken. You see I am so much more than that. I am pure energy manifest! I am pure energy on a journey from here to there, giving and receiving freely, seeking sympathetic vibration with all the energy I encounter on my journey. I skim across sand and water and rock, grass and trees. I touch them all, I give them my energy freely and they respond, in their own way, naturally. And we bond, all of the energetic entities and myself, we bond and all is as it should be. Then I move on, riding the currents of tachyons elsewhere. You see, we are not so very different, you and I. Thank you for letting me bond with you. Onward I go!”
With that the breeze dies down, a wisp across my cheek like the soft fingers of a friend saying farewell. A final toss of my hair and it was gone. The air was still.
I sat there for a long moment as the clouds parted and the moon lit up the sea once more. I took a deep breath and smiled at the wonder of the universe. What a place we live in hey? The only problem I have now is that I need a new notepad as this is the end of this one.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading.
PS: Stay tuned over the next couple of weeks as I post some hidden gems from my journal, somewhere in Brett’s Future 🙂
A spluttering cough escapes my lips. The heavy throb of my blood coursing back and forth through my skull is matched by the smashing of breakers against the rocks near where I lay. Kaboom……..splash, my head pounds in agony. Despite the protests I force my body to climb further up the beach, away, away from the dark sea, away from the pain and bitter loneliness. Every inch I gain lightens my burden, eases my dis-ease. At the border where sand meets forest I drag my body to lie at the base of a palm, barely within the sanctuary of the verdant forest blanket. Exhausted, I sleep…………….
My body no longer exists, it is left behind to recuperate. As pure consciousness I simultaneously exist and no longer exist. I am aware of my existence as I float weightlessly, therefore I exist. However, I am also at once one with everything, no longer a mere fractal, but whole and as such I no longer exist. Rather then allow the perceived duality to concern me, intuitively I allow myself to surrender to it. I am simply the entity.
Immediately I sense the entity begin to pulsate and vibrate as though it had been fractured into tiny pixels. The pixels each began to pulse and vibrate to their own rhythm. A verse sings me back to consciousness.
Awaken young warrior, harken to me
We have plans to make & people to see.
Awaken Earth soldier, listen with care
We need to lead by example, hope we must share
Remember your purpose, to paint the future in love
Paint the ground and all life, even the stars up above
The rhythm of the verse gently lifts my spirit and rouses my body from slumber. The density of the dark sea has dissipated, a new energy has emerged, lighter, more vibrant…..more real. I lay still, soaking up this energy, it flows to me, through me, from the ground, from the tree I lean against, from the air I breath. I open my eyes and soak in additional golden rays of energy from the sun above. My whole being is transformed and filled with love. The verse repeats itself again and I whisper it softly to myself…….
awaken young warrior……..awaken young warrior……..awaken young warrior……..
I remember now what I had once forgotten. There is purpose in my journey, purpose in my soul. Time to rise, time to move forward, time to paint this reality with love. Time to absorb the unfathomable beauty of it all with gratitude. Time to push back the fear, reject the illusion of separation and manifest magic.
Time to hit the road once more.
Come and join me, paint some love of your own today.
In Lak’ech Ala K’in,
I recline back in my sun lounge at the camping ground to look up at the stars above. My goal is to surrender, to let go of my earthly body.
I realise that to do so requires not thinking but feeling. I must get out of my mind and feel with my entire body.
I allow my mind one last thought, an instruction if you will. It is the vestiges of my Ego, in its fear, trying to maintain control, trying to avoid the unknown, for fear lies in the unknown, or so it thinks.
My mind issues this simple but profound instruction:
It was then that the “knowing” struck me. The knowing told me this:
“All pain is caused by separation.”
My mind/Ego in its desperate attempt to avoid pain issued the only instruction it could think of that could successfully do this – Be Everything.
For if in my surrender and letting go I become everything, I have nothing to fear for there is nothing that is not me. I need not fear the sensation of separation nor the sensation of competition.
If I am everything, no-one is withholding their loving energy from me nor is anyone attempting to steal my loving energy from me. When I “Be Everything” I am whole, complete. I am the loved, the lover, the giver and the receiver.
My mind/Ego in its attempt to avoid pain has given me the answer. Oneness, unity, singularity – this is the secret to avoiding all pain.
I lay back in my chair and let my body go numb as it expands photon by photon to fulfill the last instruction it received.
The only sensation left to feel is LOVE.
Once more I am humbled by our connection. Thank you for reading.
In Lak’ech Ala K’in,
From January 27th until February 7th 2016 I sat my first ever 10 day Vipassana Meditation course (a). As a way of recognising the significance of this event in my life I wanted to capture some key thoughts about my experience. So here are my 10 thoughts on 10 days of silence, some of my experiences and the wisdom I gained.
1. Meditation Bootcamp:
A 10 day Vipassana course is a serious undertaking, make no mistake. Besides the 10 days of silence and the 4.00am wake up chimes there is also the 10-11 hours per day of meditating. If you think meditation is an easy thing let me assure you that when you push your body to these limits it’s going to hurt & hurt a lot. I’ve never been great at meditating for long periods of time so my meditation “muscles” were not very well tuned and the first few days felt like I had been doing serious gym work, not sitting still. However, with lots of stretching a good diet my back survived and got stronger and stronger as the days progressed.
If Vipassana is potentially on your radar I’d recommend tuning up a little first. But most importantly do not go into this process half heartedly. Approach it eagerly. Relish the opportunity to give yourself this gift.
2. Blah, blah, blah………..
My monkey mind meanders. My monkey mind muses. My monkey mind mutters & murmurs. My monkey mind is a manic maelstrom of memories, mazes, mysteries, music, movies and magic. A myriad of multimedia make believe manipulating my mojo. My monkey mind……………blah, blah, blah. You get the picture.
Having spent the 4 weeks prior to Vipassana living in community with up to 30 vibrant souls at the Marulan Earthship (b) workshop it was a near impossible task to completely quite my mind for the first few days. I suspect anyone coming from a busy environment would have similar difficulties. Fortunately time and space and the total silence were the perfect antidote to monkey chatter. Each day got better and easier as the volume muted and the brightness dimmed.
3. I Failed, a lot!
I failed to fully concentrate during my meditations. I failed to fully understand the process to begin with. I failed to properly get in touch with the sensations in my body. I failed to sit completely still during the strong determination sittings. I failed to hold my equanimity. I failed to stay completely awake on many occasions. Micro sleeps and even a few macro sleeps snuck into my daily practice (especially during the 4.30am meditations). So yes, I failed a lot during this course. But you know what? My failure does not matter. My failure does not define me. My failure is not an issue because this failure, any failure is an impermanent thing. Anicca…….anicca……..anicca.
4. I Succeeded, a lot!
Despite the above point, in the more than 100 hours of meditation time I undertook during the course there were many periods, seconds, moments, minutes and more where I did properly observe the reality of the sensations in my body. Many times I held strong concentration as I scanned my body back and forth. For large periods of the strong determination sittings I held equipoise despite any of the painful or pleasant sensations I was feeling. But again none of that matters. My success does not define me. My success is not an issue because it is an impermanent thing. Anicca……anicca……anicca.
5. The importance of impermanence. (Pali word of Impermanence = Anicca – pronounced a-nitch-a)
Impermanence is such a universal law that I am positive that every human on the planet has some understanding of it. After all we witness it stunningly every day. The sun rises, the sun sets, the tides roll in, the tides roll out. Things rise up and then fall down. Things are born and then they die. The whole electromagnetic universe is in a constant state of flux between polarities. After all we are living in a duality (c). From the most microscopic sub atomic particle level every teeny, tiny Tachyon is pulsating with the energy of polarization. Everything changes, absolutely everything changes every single microsecond of every single day.
6. Everything Old is New Again.
In one of those meditation sessions where I failed to concentrate fully on the task at hand a thought occurred to me that I felt deserved inclusion in this post. As I’ve mentioned many times in my blog we are electrical beings (d), existing in an electric universe that is in a constant state of flux. At the most basic sub atomic particle level the current flow of the electric universe passes through us. At this level there is a constant exchange of matter as we draw in energetic charge from the universe and then pass on energetic charge back into the universe. This means that the most basic building blocks which make up this avatar we call our body are constantly being replaced as the drawing in (enfolding) and sending out (unfolding) process of energetic electronic life takes place. It is a paradigm of humanity that we always consider ourselves to be aging, getting older. This year we are one more year older than last year. However, my meditation revelation is that we have got this all wrong! Our bodies at the most basic quantum physics level are constantly being replaced with new energy, new tachyons, new building blocks. You know what this means don’t you? It means that every moment, every second that goes by you are becoming the most newest version of yourself. Right now as you read this point trillions upon trillions of tiny tachyons have emanated from your body and been sent out to the universe whilst at the same moment trillions upon trillions of new tachyons have been drawn into your body to replace them. Right now you are a shiny new being! Doesn’t it feel good to realise that every moment you are actually getting newer and newer! Something worth celebrating I reckon. Welcome to the new you! You are deliciously perfect!
7. 3 Cups of Poison.
The foundation of the Vipassana meditation technique is the fundamental Buddhist understanding of the 3 poisons we drink which are the root of all suffering.
(I) Ignorance – For many years I led my life drinking from this cup. I suffered but was very much asleep to my suffering. My life didn’t really start to change for the better until I stopped drinking from this cup and to venture down the path of self enquiry. I asked myself some fundamental questions. Why do I suffer? Where is the pain coming from? The Vipassana course helped to reinforce what the answers to these questions are. The suffering comes from drinking the other two cups of poison.
(II) Aversion – part of my past suffering was the pain of running away from something, even if that running away was merely the feeling of discomfort, dislike or fear. Aversion to criticism and rejection were huge for me, as was aversion to (perceived) failure. I have suffered much from these aversions in my life. With the clarity of Vipassana’s teachings I now have an additional tool with which to calm my mind and ease my pain. Understanding Anicca and practicing Equanimity are wonderful antidotes to this poison.
(III) Craving/Clinging – this also has been a significant poison for me all of my life. So much of my suffering has been caused by the sense of being unlovable. For so long I craved for a feeling of validation, for a feeling of being loved and being lovable, I yearned for it constantly (e). It wasn’t until I learned that the love comes from within that I was able to control this poison in my life. I am far from mastering it, but with the help and the wisdom of Vipassana I feel much better equipped to deal with those moments of craving and to recognise the impermanence of their hold on me.
8. Equanimity is Purity.
Vipassana Meditation at it’s core is about dealing with your aversions and cravings in a practical, equanimous way. By learning to train your mind to overcome your automated tendancy to react to any sensation you feel in your body you unlock the key to inner peace and harmony. By learning to maintain equanimity or calm detachment from the bodily sensations you develop an understanding of Anicca. All sensations are impermanent things, insubstaintial things. They come and they go, they rise and they fall. Be the sensations unpleasant such as an aching back from too much meditating or a pleasant tingling sensation from a deep relaxing meditation, neither of these things last. If you can train yourself to overcome your automated conditioning to react you exhibit much more mastery over yourself. You discover that you are actually in charge of running this body and that you can remain poised no matter what life’s ups and downs are.
9. I survived……….
Despite the silence, despite the aches and pains, despite the 4.00am wake up calls I survived. Despite the hours upon hours of meditation and even despite the separation from technology, I survived. I proved to myself that I could do it. To my surprise in hindsight it wasn’t even that difficult. Understanding the law of impermanence is a wonderful thing, because no matter what you might feel at any moment, you know that things will change.
Even more than just survive, I thrived. I gained incredible wisdom, both about myself and about my journey through life as a whole. I learned that those little things that sometimes take up so much of my attention do not define me. I learned that those big things that sometimes seem so daunting are nothing but a series of ever changing little things. I learned that in all circumstances I can face life’s challenges with equanimity. I also thrived because I got to spend so much beautiful peaceful time in a loving and supportive environment both physically at the Vipassana meditation centre and mentally, dwelling deep within myself with my beautiful little boy inside, the fountain of my love, my fearlessness and my child like spirit. It was wonderful to dedicate so much quality time to myself, to plant more seeds of love in the garden of my soul.
10. I am 100% responsible.
What follows is a statement I wrote from myself to me, a reminder of sorts of the critical out-take of my Vipassana experience. Maybe it will resonate with you as well:
The journey to inner peace and happiness lies within. No one else, absolutely no one else can be responsible for your happiness. If you believe that someone else is needed to make you happy then you are suffering from craving and will continue to suffer. If you believe that your unhappiness is a result of someone else then you are suffering from aversion and will continue to suffer. It is only when you accept and live up to the promise to yourself to be 100% responsible that you begin to detox yourself from these poisons. Realise that everything you need for inner peace and happiness already lies within you. Practice harmonising within yourself everyday. Remember the law of impermanence. Remember that you are in total control of how you experience every sensation in your body, no matter what life may throw at you. Remain equanimous. Be love.
I am honoured and humbled that you have read my words. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for connecting with me in this way.
May All Beings Be Happy!
b) A little poem I wrote about my wonderful experience at the Marulan Earthship.
c) A two piece creative writing article I wrote about the nature of duality. Part 1 is entitled - Through the Vortex. Part 2 is entitled - The Dichotomy of Duality.
d) A post I wrote entitled - It's About Life - which explains a little more about our electric beings and our electric universe.
e) A short little passage I wrote about.....yearning........
I open my eyes and all around me is darkness. Darkness and silence. A shiver runs up my spine.
My sense of smell is assaulted by an acrid burnt sensation that stings my nose and the back of my throat. I gag slightly.
However, after a brief moment even that sense is deprived me as the smell becomes normalised and I no longer notice it. Have you ever experienced that sensation? You notice a foul smell but after a while the smell seems to go away, although deep down you know it hasn’t really gone away, it’s just that your brain no longer pays attention to it. The smell becomes ‘normal’ and as such seemingly disappears.
I think these thoughts as the acrid burnt smell likewise disappears leaving me with nothing. All is dark and silent and another thought occurs to me.
What if my inability to see or hear are also simply a result of my brain normalising my surroundings. My brain pays no more attention to the foul smelling air, is it similarly paying no more attention to visible light or to audible sound?
Perhaps the sights and the sounds of my surroundings are just as noxious to my brain as the foul smelling air, so my brain has decided to ignore them, to blank them out. So now I am left with nothing, assuming that one can call a black, silent void nothing.
It was then that I realised that the demon had returned. I took a deep haggard breath and screamed as loudly and as violently as I could trying with my voice to tear asunder the fabric of the darkness. But my screams fell upon deaf ears. Darkness, silence, void. That was now my reality.
I flayed my arms and legs about like a palsied marionette. The darkness grew seemingly heavier, as if it was trying to hold me tighter in its grip, refusing to relinquish its power over me. So tight was its grip that it felt like I was suspended in thick tar. My flaying body grew exhausted and my mind in an attempt to ‘normalise’ my environment, or perhaps to ‘anaesthetize’ my pain put me to sleep.
Minutes, hours, days, weeks went by as I lay trapped and asleep within the black tar. Any moments of wakefulness seemed as if a dream. But not a lucid dream which I could exhibit some form of control. No, the dreams were such where the exact opposite was true. Instinctively my brain convinced me within the dream that I had absolutely no control. So it was that the moments of wakefulness seemed as if I had simply floated to the surface of the deep dark sea. But always the surface of the dark waters pitched and rolled with menacing violence.
I soon learned to shun those wakeful moments. The pain, the violence, the fear were all too much for my sensory deprived body to bare. In those moments I begged my brain to return me to sleep, to the sweet oblivion of nothingness. Fortunately my brain was only too happy to oblige. The void became my universe.
Weeks turned into months, but time meant nothing within the darkness and silence. In earlier times this would have driven me to even deeper panic and despair. But having swam these waters before I could sense their familiarity. A kernel of truth stayed with me during this time. Once more I kicked towards the surface of the dark waters. Once more I was assailed by violence. But this time I let it be, I accepted the dark lashes of the wind and the rain as the waves of darkness tried once more to force me under. I surrendered to them and once I did I felt an immediate weakening of their powers.
That kernel of truth reminded me that the torrent that assailed me was also transporting me. The void was not a void at all. It was a vessel and I was its passenger and together we journeyed until my journey was complete. I began to relax even further. Even though the darkness still prevailed I knew that it would not do so forever, I just had to be patient.
I wonder now as I continue to float in the darkness what I will discover when this phase of my journey is concluded. Patience can be a difficult thing I remind myself. I only hope that the ones I love throughout the universe of my consciousness also find patience for me in their hearts.
The first rays of a new dawn are beginning to glow above the horizon. I sense, even though I can not yet see it, that a welcoming shoreline awaits for me. I sense that soon the radiance of a new day will shine forth as I reach this shore. I wonder who will be waiting for me. I hope you are, I do so miss your smiling face and your shining eyes.
With the deepest of love for anyone who struggles with depression, anxiety or bi-polar; you have my heart.